


Five things Sam Tyler can do that Gene Hunt can't.

by millygal



Series: Five Things - LoM [2]
Category: Life on Mars (UK)
Genre: 5 Things, 5 Times, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-22
Updated: 2017-04-22
Packaged: 2018-10-22 13:20:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10697832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/millygal/pseuds/millygal
Summary: Smug git!





	Five things Sam Tyler can do that Gene Hunt can't.

I.

"Go on, try it" Sam smirks, screws his face up and pokes his tongue out again.

Gene sneers, rolls his tongue round the inside of his mouth, swears and looks in the rear view mirror to see where he's going wrong, "I can't do it!"

Sam giggles, continues to pull faces at Gene and jumps back when the bigger man takes a swipe at him, "Found something our illustrious leader can't do, have we?"

"Don't make me slap you"

"In your dreams. Come on, you can do it, all you gotta do is run your tongue up the inside of your teeth..." Sam makes another ridiculous face then tilts his head sideways "...'ike 'is"

"Sam, it's friggin' impossible, you've got a strange gob. I'm tellin' ya, I can not roll my tongue"

II.

"It's simple, you just put your feet like this then go round in circles"

Gene grips hold of Sam's shoulders, hooks one toe at an odd angle and almost topples the both of them, "S'just not my cup of tea"

Sam smirks, hides his face in Gene's shoulder then pulls himself up straight, "Come on. You wanted to learn"

Gene grimaces, plants his feet shoulder width apart and digs his nails into Sam's ribs, "Sammy, I can't do it!"

"Ouch!" Sam squirms, removes Gene's fingers from his waist and brings his hands up in the air.

Tapping out a rhythm with his left foot, he nods his head and pulls Gene round in a rough circle. Gene slips his hands back to Sam's waist and smirks while Sam wriggles and frowns at the taller man, "You're supposed to be leading. You're the bloke, remember?"

Gene throws Sam a deadpan stare and nods, "You got that right"

"Listen, you want me to help you or not? If you do, stop pissing about. I'm not the one who volunteered to escort the Super's wife to this bloody dinner and dance rubbish"

Gene smiles, flutters his eyelashes and stands as straight as possible, "Sorry, right fine, let's get on with it"

They stumble round the office, falling over each others feet until Gene finally huffs and throws himself into his chair, "S'no good Sammy boy, I just can't bloody dance"

III.

Sam's swaying, leaning up against the back wall of the pub and listening to Gene sing whilst taking a piss in the dark. He hears a zip being pulled up, laughs as the sound echoes off the walls and slides to the floor.

Gene fumbles his way out of the shadows and spots Sam collapsed in a heap against the wall, "What ya doin' down there?"

Sam giggles, crawls onto his hands and knees shakes his head, "M'trying to do a han..whatsit, you know, handsit, no that's not right, handst...and, aha handstand!"

Gene tilts his head, eyes his drunk DI and rifles around for a ciggie, "What's a handstand?"

Sam's not sure if Gene's taking the mick or he really doesn't know but he gamely turns round on all fours and waggles his backside in Gene's face, "S'like this, you just..." he huffs and puffs, attempts to bring his knees off the ground but ends up in a heap at his Guv's feet.

Finally, after much panting and swearing, he gets his arse up against the cold wet brick and waggles his eyebrows at Gene. Not that Gene can see because he's now nodding his head and taking a running leap at the wall next to Sam.

As an upside down Gene comes barrelling towards Sam, Sam yelps, flinches and falls on his face, scraping his nose on the cobbles beneath him.

Sam sits himself up in time to see Gene swing his arms over his head, completely miss his spot and fall flat on his arse, banging his chin into the wall.

"Genie can't d..doo hands..tand..s"

Gene grunts, peels himself away from the wall and stands up before hauling Sam to his feet, "An' Sammy can't drive 'ome on 'is own so he bes' shu'up 'fore Genie leaves his arse to walk"

Sam giggles, falls sideways into Gene's arms and passes out. Gene lays him gently on the floor, rubs his hands together and takes another running leap at the wall, only to bang his head, knocking himself out.

Nelson finds them an hour later when he goes to empty the bins and leaves a sheet draped over them before buggering off back into the pub, laughing.

IV.

Gene's eyes take on a misty quality and Sam smirks, "Le singe est sur la branche"

Gene stalks forward, lunges for the Sam but he manages to slip beneath his arm, "Le chat est sur la chaise"

Gene growls, steps up behind Sam and snakes his arms round his waist. Sam giggles, lets Gene run his tongue along his neck then squirms free, "Mon nom est Samuel Tyler"

Waggling his eyebrows, Gene pushes forward, pins Sam across the top of his desk and nibbles his way down Sam's throat.

Sam gasps, closes his eyes and hisses out one more phrase before letting Gene's attentions completely distract him, "Sucez-moi beau"

Sam thinks himself lucky that Gene doesn't know how to speak french because telling him to 'Suck me beautiful' would probably earn him a slap under any other circumstances.

V.

"Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious"

"Superca..lifraGi..lis..lis..listica"

"No, it's easy, just, sound it out, super-cali-frag-i-listic-expi-ali-docious"

"Superrrcalli.."

"One 'R' one 'L'"

"I'll give you one soddin' 'R' you smarmy little so..."

"Now now, this was your idea. If you can't say it, you owe me a pint"

"No way am I givin' in an' buyin' you a pint 'cos I can't say some daft bloody phrase from a soddin' kids film"

"Alright, how about this, you say it, I'll do whatever you want with those handcuffs you nicked"

"Right then, supercalifRragilIisticalExpialidocious"

"Close, but not close enough"

"Bugger"

"We **could** have been doing **that** if you'd got it right"

"Funny"

"You love it"  
  
  
  



End file.
